Today is the day we find out what the next few months will hold for us. I am not sure whether I am alone in this or not, but I have felt a sense of anticipation all weekend. Whatever your politics I believe the majority want things to go well. I really don’t think the ‘it’s too soon for this’ or ‘it’s too late for that’ comments help at this point. For many there have been so many losses; of family, work, business and probably much more. But I will say today what I have always maintained – there has to be hope. It is coming up to 12 months without live music in my life and I miss it, as indeed do so many of my friends and colleagues. But we shall have to wait a little longer, be cautious and be patient.

There will of course be the usual delay before the detail is clarified and there will be the usual criticism of why we can’t have all the detail at the same time. But the clarification will come, and we will be able to sing again. For my choirs, it has been a difficult time and being online hasn’t been for everyone, but we have tried hard to engage every member and update them on where we are and what we are doing.

Our route back will be to retrain our voices, develop the sound, build the stamina, and perhaps most importantly enjoy hearing each other – which I believe we shall do in a different way. More considered, more intently and with a sense of relief that we are back together.

Our first goal should be to build back our choir community, then gradually welcome back our supporters and our audience. That first concert may be the most wonderful concert we have ever experienced – but we shall not be alone. Let’s not forget what we have lost, what we have realised is important to us and let’s not lose the anticipation of what it will be like to sing again!

There is a difference in the air, and that difference is hope. It was a fleeting moment whilst food shopping at the weekend that I noticed a lightness in everyone’s mood. Previous weeks had been heavy with tiredness, and a weary approach to a task that should carry no real emotion. But there was a tangible difference.

Caution seems to be the watch word, yet there are those who want to push yet again. It is no wonder that I fail to understand the constant back and forth between those in Government and politics, and those who advise. Too slow to lockdown! Not quick enough to open up again! Those were the prevalent comments in the media this weekend: and for those wondering I am not hurrying out to book a summer holiday! Someone reminded me this week that being a politician is not a profession – there is no training to do the job and certainly no manual on how to deal with a pandemic. I suppose I am still naive enough to believe they know best; after all we voted for them to make the decisions. But we voted for the rhetoric, for the speech maker, the personality, the party to get things done! Dependent on what you wanted doing of course! I suppose we would all have done things differently and better in the same position!

I am beginning to realise that I don’t understand at all and I wonder whether that is where we all are at the moment. Watching the pandemic unfold and the worlds commentary on every Government’s handling of it has been fascinating. What I am certain of though, is that sense of hope that I believe we are all feeling.

Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness. – Desmond Tutu

I don’t know whether anyone else is doing this, but I check out the statistics for the day in the hope that I am seeing a downward trend. I can’t help but give a little cheer when I hear that the vaccine roll out has reached another million. The figures seem cautiously optimistic, but as we are frequently told ‘we are not there yet’. I feel as if I am in some kind of no-man’s land, waiting for a sign for when it is safe to put one’s head above the parapet. The days, weeks and months pass by so quickly, but there is a real desire now to get back to reasonable ‘normality’. I feel it in my online rehearsals every week. We are all coping and doing our best, but we want to be back together. But another confirmed cancellation today, takes me further into uncertainty of when I can resume my activities. We have all braved the storm, dealt with our demons, and come out the other side. We just want the sun to shine now, ‘the war to be over’, and to embrace our friends and family again.

I am and have been positive throughout the last months and have enjoyed the strength of support from the communities in which I am involved, and I know that others have felt that too.

This time last year I would have been adjudicating at a Festival and my goodness I know just how much the Festival world has suffered. So many missed opportunities to perform. Yet, there has been a resilience and an optimism that we will return even stronger and more connected. It is clear that the performing arts world, in its many facets is so clearly needed and there will be an outpouring of creativity when we surface. But many opportunities for creativity in lockdown have released new and different ways of working and we have embraced all that has been available.

We just need to hold on a little longer, be confident in our ability to be strong and to look to better times.

It’s the start of a new month and the start of a new phase. We still have a long journey ahead of us, but taking each step carefully brings us closer to our destination. I generally have a positive outlook on most things, and I believe that has helped to sustain me over recent months. That is not to say I don’t look at things realistically but being hopeful and planning for the future is a good thing. I will always try to look toward the horizon and think about what lies before us. Musically, my choirs have been online for many weeks now. But we have revisited familiar repertoire, begun to look at new music, worked on vocal technique, spoken about repertoire, recorded virtually, learnt new skills, chatted to each, other and kept each other going. Offline we have communicated with all of our members, albeit by email, ‘phone conversations, socially distanced visits and even the old-fashioned way of writing letters! It has been important to us to stay connected! We have even welcomed new members to the wonderful world of zoom!

There have been many initiatives which have blossomed out of necessity and have now become familiar. Our care and love for each other have become stronger and will continue to do so even when the journey is behind us. We will not go back to where we were, but will continue along this path to being kinder, more understanding and better connected.

We have also become very wary of the media. Too many leading questions; too much anger; too much posturing. Our impression of politicians around the world has become more focused and we look upon decisions taken with scepticism. But I have to believe we are all in it together, even if that is naive thinking on my part. I will not let all the things I have worked so hard to achieve simply disappear. The friendships I have made, the experiences I have had shape me as an individual and I will continue to work hard to maintain every aspect of my life. All of these things matter, and they should to all of us. Of course, there is negativity in some quarters, but with just a little more thought that glass will appear half full!

I have taken this quote from Ivy Baker Priest, Treasurer of the United States from 1953 – 1961. It seemed appropriate bearing in mind we witnessed a new beginning in the USA last week. Some people, when they speak inspire you with confidence, and not to take anything away from President Joe Biden, who despite the many millions who voted alternatively, spoke with honesty and truth. But, the words of Youth Poet Laureate, Amanda Gorman rang out loud and clear. She had presence and passion and sometimes that is all we want!

We want to believe those who lead us, and it is all too easy to dismiss the message when we don’t have trust. But trust is important, and we can and will bear anything when we trust the message. Sadly, the message, and from all quarters has lacked that single most important strand.

Those who stand to run the country are elected by us and we can argue that the system isn’t ‘right’, but it is the one we have, so we have to take some responsibility in that decision. It’s very easy to say well I didn’t vote for that or this, but we have to believe that together we can find a way through. Sometimes, I believe we vote for change, simply because we are fed up with the ‘old’ so want the ‘new’. Even when the new may not actually be what we really want! But we fight against the system and in time we will make another decision about our leaders and believe that at the time it is the right one!

I was raised by my Grandmother, who taught me right from wrong; to be respectful; to be honest and truthful; and to always aspire to being better than I am. I have always tried to live by those values. I am sure I have fallen by the wayside at times, but those I trust have helped me through. Trust is about being able to count upon those you rely and at the moment we must rely upon each other. There is no room for negativity or doubt. Yes, by all means question and hold people to account, but do it properly. Do it, with the eye on the goal of being honest and true and being trusted and let’s make this the beginning and not the end!

I have begun to realise that once I have a purpose there is no stopping me and I attack it with real determination and energy. But it is easy for me to feel as if none exist and at that point I simply stop and seem to go round in circles. I have been very good at finding things to do outside of all of my online activities, but I am one of those people who likes to fill almost every minute of the day with an activity or purpose. At times I have craved for the routine that once existed, but at the same time enjoy the routine that I have created at home. But I do miss ‘real’ interaction.

I decided to do a little bit of sorting out this weekend and the satisfaction this brought was really uplifting. I also found things that I thought were lost, which resulted in doing things that I had been putting off for so long. One of the most rewarding was find photographs of concerts, musicals, plays that I had conducted or performed in and tis brought back so many positive memories. I shall be posting some of these on Twitter over the next few weeks.

It has also been another weekend of news watching and it struck me how easy it is these days, especially through social media to do the wrong thing. An inappropriate tweet, a mis-judged post on Facebook, the wrong photo on Instagram, a thoughtless comment in response to an interview or an action that really needed to be avoided. But it happens all the time and I really do question whether those making these errors actually think at all about the repercussions or whether I am so naive that I fail to realise that it is all done on purpose. Well, they do say that ‘bad publicity is better than no publicity at all.’

So, the week ahead holds more than one purpose, so for the time being I am energised and happy. I hope you are too!

That’s the simple message for today. It’s harder than we think and there are so many hidden issues that people are having to deal with on a daily basis. But we must keep going! It is difficult to keep positive when the media is so full of negative stories and what if scenarios. I know those who are making the decisions need to be accountable, but it has to be done in a measured way. It is the responsibility of everyone in a leadership role to unite and not divide, but division seems to be ‘on trend’ at the moment. I have played my part this weekend, and indeed throughout, have stayed at home, and I want to be able to emerge from this knowing that I did the right thing. But what is the right thing? There is so much mixed messaging from all quarters. Being clear and transparent in an ever-changing situation isn’t easy, but there are those who choose to make the messaging obtuse, who choose not to listen, who choose to make an individual stand. More than ever, we have to be one, we have to work together, we have to at least try!

Music has been a great comforter these past few months and I have had music in my life almost every day. It has given me solace when needed and has motivated me too. It has given me a purpose and urged me to keep going. It has given me a backdrop to work against and helped to give me focus and a routine.

There is a tremendous sense of positivity in the choral world, which is fired by the need to keep us together and to keep us singing!

However, the outlook for the professional musician doesn’t look so rosy with changes to the ways in which work can be undertaken. I suppose in time the truth will out.

But for now, try and find the positive in your life. Even the smallest thing can help to banish doubts and to provide that little ray of sunshine.

Sometimes I just get an urge to write. I don’t think there is a great novel sitting inside me somewhere, but for someone who came to reading and writing late in school; I get a great deal of comfort and satisfaction from it. I completely understand why there are so many struggling at the moment and for a myriad of reasons. Apparent indecision from those who we expect to lead; conflicting standpoints from those we expect to advise and a lack of understanding and compliance from those who have no clear thought about how to react. I know that is simplifying the whole situation, but there has to be some light of positivity within us all to allow us to prevail and succeed. The commentators will comment, and not always correctly; those opposed to most things, will oppose most things and those who don’t really know will become experts. I would not assume to speak for most people, but I do speak for myself when I say that sometimes all we want is the clearest and perhaps not always the most popular decision to be made and then acted upon. Ah, yes but what if the situation changes? Then we must evaluate those changes, look at what could be the most likely scenario and adapt our advice. But is that too simplistic? I suppose it is! But without followers there are no leaders! But, when our leaders (and I use the term broadly, not just Government) inspire little or no trust, we are left with only ourselves and our innate ability to trust our own decision-making process and to do what we believe is right….and there lies a whole other direction of conversation.

I have been positive throughout the past few months and remain so, but only because I have inner personal strength and for that I am grateful. Anyone can be forgiven if the norm is truth and integrity. Both are sadly lacking at the moment and we desperately need a way of putting the people first. Division has become common place in our society, and it must not be allowed to grow any further. There will always be differences and I have to accept that, but more than ever there has to be an agreed and truthful way out of the current situation. A way forward that we can trust and support. My goodness, I am not sure I would know what to do, but if I could do anything I would try and unite us all; to bring us all together; to be one in the journey back to being generous, kind, and thoughtful.

So much has been taken from us this year, but I sincerely hope that everyone can look beyond that loss at what remains. We had taken simple things for granted and didn’t allow ourselves the time to reflect on what we had and what was important. We have had to deal with many changes over the past 10 months and trying to navigate a somewhat perilous road has not been easy for some. Indeed, the situation currently doesn’t look promising. But we will shortly be leaving 2020 behind us and we need to look forward with optimism and opportunity; and yes, for some it is going to be another hard journey, but one we must make.

I have written so much this year and have found it comforting and cathartic to put my thoughts on paper. There have been times, thankfully not very many when the situation has been overwhelming and I know that this has been a far greater struggle for others than it has been for me.

I have been busy, in fact very busy and this has helped me to focus on what has needed to be done. All of my work is about being with people and the daily interactions that I had become so used to stopped abruptly in March. But, like so many others I adapted and found a new and different way of working, and actually enjoyed the challenge. It has been humbling to witness the many great deeds of kindness and support that the organisations and groups I work with have given each other. Mirroring the many kind acts that as a country we have witnessed.

We all have our hopes for the New Year and perhaps a few fears as well, but we need to be strong and we need to believe that the situation will improve. Of course, it is taking longer than anyone envisaged, and our patience is growing thin, but we can and will beat it. We will succeed in the face of adversity and we will come through the other end, a little scarred maybe, but stronger and more determined and with the knowledge that we did it together.

I could, and frequently do comment on politics, but for now I am going to concentrate on what I need to do to support those around me. There are enough people to criticise and posture without me putting my opinion forward.

I have said this before, but I want to underline it here again, and in particular to my choirs in Altrincham, Honley and Chesterfield, as well as the members of The British and International Federation of Festivals. There have been many opportunities given to us this year and we have taken them and achieved so much together. We have grown as communities; taken time to listen to each other; supported each other and perhaps most importantly been there for each other.

If we are to learn anything from 2020 it is those things that we must remember and take with us into the New Year.

One more week of online/virtual rehearsals and I know we are all ready to have some time away from the screen. Back in March, many of us had not even heard of Zoom, let alone how to harness the technology to allow us to stay connected. But many of us worked through the teething problems, persevered, and succeeded. It has been a learning curve for us all! I have missed those members, who for whatever reason have not connected with us online and I am looking forward to seeing them all again when we can start to rehearse face to face. I hope that my weekly musings have made you realise that you have not been forgotten and that you are just as important as those who I have seen each week. There have been many acts of kindness throughout the past few months and feel that I have made great friends with those I have seen each week. I will try even harder to connect and draw us all back together when we can meet, as regardless of what you have or haven’t done, or how you have connected, you are all still an important part of our singing communities.

Zoom has taught me one thing! Faces can betray your innermost thoughts and seeing hundreds of faces on screen each week has been an interesting experience. I have learned to read people’s moods and even when mistakes are being made whilst singing muted, I have come to know what those mistakes are and have been able to remedy or support them. But your faces, even when silent, speak volumes!

We all need to remember the many kind things that have been achieved over the past months and in going forward to remember to listen to others as well as think before speaking. Everyone is important and their views should be respected. I have witnessed so much negativity in the press and social media and at times have found it quite disturbing. But never far from the surface has been individual acts of goodness.

Many of us have welcomed each other into our homes on a weekly basis and we have attempted to make online interactions seem normal. But what we must all do is value the contributions each of us makes whether big or small and when we are back together to appreciate everyone. It will take time for our choirs to come back fully, but until then let’s work together to support each other through the next few months until 2020 is a distant memory.

I have always been an emotional person, but more recently I seem to have become even more so, perhaps the emotional musical highs that I experienced on a weekly basis have become diminished and those emotions are now deep within me, ready to be released. I think that our collective experiences of being back in live music settings will impact us all when we least expect it! Until then……!